


Maybe The Night

by littlefullsuns (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst?, Hyuck has leukemia, M/M, POV Mark Lee (NCT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25267225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/littlefullsuns
Summary: Everyone keeps saying that time heals all wounds, that Mark will feel better as long as he gives some time but the longer he thinks about the phrase, the less he believes it.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 18





	Maybe The Night

Everyone keeps saying that  _ time heals all wounds _ , that I will feel better as long as I give some time but the longer I think about the phrase, the less I believe it. 

_ Lee Donghyuck. How are you? _

I still remember when we first met. On the first day of high school, I shook your hand. I was so nervous. I couldn’t get passed those deep eyes of yours that drew me in every second I looked. I was a hot mess. You smiled at me anyway and said,  _ “I’m Donghyuck, nice to meet you.”  _

I never thought it would start there, that our friendship will bloom and lead to something more.

He is the type of friend who will accompany you anytime, and will make you laugh until your stomach hurts. He is also the type of friend, who cries easily. Inside him is a weak heart, that you need to protect at all cost. 

I don’t know what, where, when and why. All I know is that I love him.

I also don’t know why it’s so fast, but the first thing that came to my mind was destiny favored us well. 

Two months later, I was able to officially call you mine after I told you that I wanted to ask you out and how I wish I could have done it sooner, but was scared. I said that high school relationships don’t last, but wanted to prove myself wrong. 

Seven years ago today, we got married, and stood across from each other (on literally the hottest freaking day of the year in the blazing sun). I can still remember how I cried my eyes out, and you claimed your eyes were just ‘sweating’, and we all laughed and recited our vows.  _ In sickness and in health. Through good times and bad. Till death do us part.  _

Funny, right? How I wished to spend my whole life with you, and proving myself that we could not mean to break up and move on, not moving to heaven. 

It turns out you were sick. You were diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia on June 11, 5 days after your birthday, the summer before our anniversary. Since then, you were constantly in the hospital, receiving treatment, dealing with side effects, low blood counts, or illness because your immune system is not strong enough to fight off. I knew it was hard for you to handle. You had lost your father not even a year before, and the thought of facing what was happening to you was scary and overwhelming. I’ve tried so hard to stay strong for you, to continue to remain positive despite it can be very difficult at times, and was scared of what can possibly happen tomorrow. I’m so sorry if I have begun to struggle to give you the support you need because this is hard on me, too. 

You were my best friend that taught me so much. I was damaged. I had very low self-esteem. You taught me to love myself in those years we are together that seemed like a lifetime. I was perfect the way I was. You taught me that I could be myself and that no matter what you had my back. You would tell me when I was being an idiot or moody. You taught me to screw what other people thought. If we were happy, that is all that mattered. You were my best friend. We would always take walks around our neighborhood and talk about us and our future plans together. We spent the majority of the time in my place (since you told me my place makes you feel a lot better) laughing and just enjoying each other’s company. There are so many things that remind me of you. 

Donghyuck, I was far from the perfect boyfriend. I made mistakes that I regret, and think about a lot. I hope wherever you are, probably much happy right now, that you forgive me. It has been almost a year since you have passed. I am starting to move on a bit. I am not going to lie to myself and you. I’ve been talking to a few people like what you wanted me to do. And I admit, it’s a lot different, and really hard to get used to. No matter what, one thing that will never change. I loved you, and still love you with all my heart. That feeling will never go away. Those memories will never go away. 

I never thought that I would be spending my birthday in hospital screaming for you with your family and our friends. We had plans that day, but by the time I got a text from Jeno, I knew in myself that there was a possibility that what I was wishing for wouldn’t match what could’ve happened, I knew something couldn’t have been good. 

You don’t look good, I’ve never seen you so weak and lifeless. You couldn’t speak, you probably don’t even know I was there. Your eyes were closed, skin pale, lying motionless in that hospital bed. 

I wanted to scream, to shout, to be gone during those hours. 

Our timing really sucks, I just knew that I had to make your few months worth while. We spent everyday together, months turned weeks, weeks turned to days. God knows how much I wanted to tell you that I love you and I don’t want to let you go, but I didn’t want you to leave with a heavy heart.

I wish you were here. I wish I could hug you one more time, and thank you for being the most amazing partner to me even when I didn’t deserve it. After seven wonderful years, you still made me fall in love every time I saw you, you were my soulmate. 

Years have gone by and I’m still struggling to deal with your death. There are still moments where I can’t believe you’re gone. It feels like you’re only away on vacation, like you’re going to walk through my door again one day. When you left, our friends would dance around your name. They would avoid mentioning you in conversation because they were worried about my reaction. They didn’t want to upset me. But now that some time has passed, they ask more questions about you, us. They mention you more. They actually say your name aloud. 

Everyone acts like time will heal my pain, but the truth is, it gets harder to deal with your death during every milestone. Everyday, all I think about is that you aren’t here with me anymore. Point is, it doesn’t matter how many years have passed, because I’m always going to miss you with the same intensity. I’m always going to love you with my whole heart.

_ So? Lee Donghyuck, how does heaven look like?  _


End file.
